Previously on
"The Perils of Pauline":
Last year, our plucky
heroine, the wholesome apple-cheeked American republic, was trapped in an
express elevator hurtling out of control toward the debt ceiling. Would she
crash into it? Or would she make some miraculous escape?
Yes! At the very last
minute of her white-knuckle thrill ride to her rendezvous with destiny, she was
rescued by Congress' decision to set up... a Super Committee! Those who can,
do. Those who can't, form a committee. Those who really can't, form a Super Committee – and
then put John Kerry on it for good measure. The bipartisan Super Committee of
Super Friends was supposed to find $1.2 trillion of deficit reduction by last
Thanksgiving, or plucky little America would wind up trussed like a turkey and
carved up by "automatic sequestration."
Sequestration
sounds like castration, only more so: it would chop off everything in sight. It
would be so savage in its dismemberment of poor helpless America that the
Congressional Budget Office estimates that, over the course of a decade, the
sequestration cuts would reduce the federal debt by $153 billion. Sorry, I
meant to put on my Dr. Evil voice for that: ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY THREE BILLION
DOLLARS!!! Which is about what the United States government currently borrows
every month. No sane person could willingly countenance brutally saving a
month's worth of debt over the course of a decade.