The Hygienically
Challenged Crack-Up Boom
Readers may recall
that we have reported on the toilet paper shortage in Venezuela before. At the
time our suggestion to the Venezuelan authorities was to simply replace toilet paper with the country's currency, the Bolivar, as
evidently there is more than enough of that to
go around.
The great leader
Hugo Chavez is no longer among the quick. He therefore doesn't have to grapple
with the problem anymore – we are assuming that there are no toilet paper
shortages in the Hereafter. So one way of getting a decent wipe nowadays if
you're a citizen of Venezuela is to follow the great leader of the revolution
into the Great Beyond.
Back in May of
this year, Venezuela's rulers made the following promise:
"The revolution will
bring the country the equivalent of 50 million rolls of toilet paper. We are
going to saturate the market so that our people calm down."
But wouldn't you
know, in spite of their near complete control over the country's economy, the
darn capitalists have somehow thwarted them again!
Obviously, the
revolution has a lot of work left to do in order to create the socialist Utopia
Venezuelans have been assured will be theirs. The Land of Cockaigne, where the
roasted chickens will fly into the comrade's mouths unbidden and toilet paper
will be abundant – its creation continues to be obstructed by the machinations
of evil capitalist hoarders. So the revolutionaries have decided to strike at
the root of the problem.
“Venezuela's government is known for its
state-must-do-it-all mindset, inherited from late President Hugo Chavez and his
radical followers, known as Chavistas. But late last week, the notoriously
inefficient government went above and beyond to shine its populist credentials:
It stepped right into Venezuelan bathrooms.
On Sept. 20, President Nicolas
Maduro and a new economic panel ordered national price regulator Sundecop to
“temporarily” seize plants owned by Manufacturas de Papel CA, orManpa, the company
that supplies 40 percent of the country’s demand for toilet paper and
personal-care paper goods. Their reasoning? To oversee production, because
consumers can't seem to find enough rolls of toilet paper.
(emphasis added)
We hereby predict
that the toilet paper shortage is going to get worse. It is not the only thing
in short supply in Caracas these days:
“It's not just bathroom tissue
that's lacking: In recent months, food items such as cooking oil and powdered
milk have nearly disappeared from store shelves.